Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
