there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
