he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
