Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
