The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i may or may not be watching the land before time
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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