Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
