I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
