I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We are two peas in an std pod
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
