I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
