dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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