I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
