Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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