You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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