I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
