All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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