Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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