a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
