OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Banned from zoo.
Again?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
