I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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