You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
