When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
