so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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