Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
