its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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