Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
