a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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