In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
