guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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