i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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