i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
