I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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