Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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