dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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