So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize