Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize