New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Sorry about my life...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
