thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
