You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
