You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
