? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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