Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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