I look better un-naked...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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