She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
