i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
