You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
