Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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