you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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