Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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