Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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