Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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