Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
