can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
