If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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