I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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