and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
