her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
