Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
