am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
