I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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