drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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