Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
