Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
